The pronouncements of Belladona

Bugger

2006-10-16T21:51:00.000+01:00

Fucked up another perfectly good relationship. Arse. And maybe feck. I shall probably die alone. Or I might have a goldfish.

V

2006-03-19T20:54:00.000Z

I have just come back from seeing V for Vendetta - shock news! It's actually not that bad - in fact, it's pretty bloody good considering that Alan Moore hated it. Now with 'From hell' and indeed 'The league of extraordinary gentlemen' I can see where he was coming from but this one was really good. Bit simplistic in some places, true, but they got the proper message across and in my opinion didn't Hollywoodise it anywhere near as much as you'd think.
So - weirdly - I recommend it.

In other news - am back at work full time (hence the not posting very much) and am slowly, oh so very slowly getting better. Very slowly. I'm not worse though so all is good. I also went to London and purchased (oh the surprise) some shoes. Like this but with little bows and no stamped detail.

I also bought a tutu. As you do.

Don't rake up my mistakes...*

2006-02-07T19:24:00.000Z

Ah, I know. So much for a proper blog. But then, I wasn't meant to be writing for actual people (hello if there are any here) it so it doesn't really matter that I think I've driven away those poor people trying to read anything on here. The reason for this blog was to record my illness, which I have failed dramatically in. This was much easier when I used to write stuff in a little book about what I'd eaten. Anyway, I do have to impart that, oddly, vitamins and a good variety of fresh fruit and vegetables have made me feel better. That and some sex. It is SUCH a relief to feel a bit better. You know that feeling you have when your flu has finally lifted and you feel like you can finally breathe again? Like that, but X erm... a lot. I'm looking forward to planning to go out and then keeping to it. Downside - now I'm aware enough to notice the size of my bottom. Every time I get ill, I put on weight. No activity does indeed = extra poundage. Plus the excessive fresh stuff seems to have resulted in a swollen tummy (why? Oh, why?). No dieting for me either until I'm actually back to work full time - currently I'm at 6 hours but pushing to 7 hours sometimes.
I am meant to be going out on thursday and it looks like I may make it - but what to wear? This sudden realisation of fatness (plus most of my clothes being a little too snug) makes it difficult. I'm trying to hold off on panic buying of unattractive but bulky and therefore potentially fat-hiding skirt in Bay Trading. Even if it is a fiver. Even if it is slightly shiny. Help me!

*The author bears no responsibility for punctuation or spelling. I'm ill *coughs pathetically*.

Shaky machines

2006-02-03T10:08:00.000Z

Grrr. It's my day off and I was woken up at 8. This is all wrong! Then I couldn't go back to sleep because I have ANOTHER cough, plus there was some kind of shaky machine outside that kept shaking my room and making things rattle (up to and including my teeth). I find that kind of thing disconcerting and not condusive to rest.

When I was very small I had a long and complicated dream which was mainly about how a JCB digger had somehow hypnotised the population and started eating them. Everyone was queuing up to be put into the digger bit. It was wrong. Always been ever-so-slightly scared of large yellow things ever since.

Another thing learnt from my dream - look out for toyboxes - they may contain octopuses who would like to trip you up. Not sure what the cartoon bus full of sikhs was about though.

I'm going out, I may be some time... wait, I should have said that earlier. It was cold out so I'm back.

2006-01-26T20:48:00.000Z

Oh dear lord, what is it, a month? Bad blogger, naughty. In my defence, I caught a rotten cold before christmas then various other things and have only just started to recover. That is my story and I'm sticking to it.

There will (if I remember) be humourous pictures of odd christmas trees and tales of debauchery though they're so old now maybe I won't bother. Summing up, I got various shiny things for christmas, I was lovely to bfriend's family earning myself oodles of brownie points, I did think about detoxing but decided to have some cake instead and that's... about it. Oh, I went out on new year's eve and actually had a good time. I'm still looking around in case this is an alternate universe.

Stick with me. I fully intend to start posting pictures of shoes and suchlike any minute now. Honest. If I can find any batteries for my camera anyhow.

Look, any minute, told you - see, Essex villages have a long tradition of christmas trees decorated with action men fighting dinosaurs and wearing pink tutus.

Better again... spooky

2005-12-15T15:14:00.000Z

Hmm, sorry about yesterday. *Clears throat*.
Anyway - I'm feeling better again today! So this must be a Good Thing. Not a good thing as in Diana Wynne Jones' story 'What the cat told me'* because that would be silly. Still, a good thing. Now I get to go out and have curry and say bye to people and go to my goth night so I imagine tomorrow I shall feel v v shitty. So I wanted to commemorate my wellness** in some way that I'd remember.

* I sort-of forget what the good thing was, no, wait, I think it was a piece of soul which did magic. So not all that likely sadly.

** Wellness being a general term which includes actually feeling quite rubbish, just less rubbish than before.

Work yet again - this may be getting to be a habit

2005-12-14T15:10:00.000Z

Well today at work I set up for the lovely christmas open evening. Any swearword of your choice can be inserted right here. But I'm at home and everyone else is still there so - result! I shall be missing out on - um... I'm sure there was something... perhaps not.
Less tired again today, a good thing surely. Beginning to feel that I went back to work too early though - it was a stupid, stupid time to come back to work. I'm always most ill before christmas - it's that weird woman thing of stressing about having exactly everything just perfect or everyone'll have a miserable christmas. Why? What is the point? Lots of presents and some chocolate and no-one cares. No-one is coming over anyway from the looks of things.

Update -
Ooh, feeling like a bit of a rant and as this is what this is here for - argh. Just - argh. ridiculous - I can't articulate my feelings at all. Not when they're like this. It's the kind of feeling that's strong enough that you think - oh, I must write a song / create something because it's so powerful but actually its too strong so you end up with a load of drivel. It's soo hard. I just don't see why there's always something wrong. Ok, I want too many shiny things and so on but really I'm satisfied with not a lot. There's always something though to mess it up. Always. How often can I go on to people about how hard my illness is? I just can't do it. It's ridiculous, I bore myself, let alone anyone else. But I get stupid comments like this idiot woman at work saying how glad she is that I'm back, and back as the old belladona, the nice one, who didn't fly off the handle and be mean to her all the time because I was ill. Seriously, I could easily have really said something rude to her. But I didn't, I never do. But how insensitive is she? Bringing it up again and again - now I'm not saying I'm a saint at all, but I cannot have been that bad or I would have been sacked. Just because I once or twice told her what I actually thought instead of lying to spare her feeling, I am apparently a total nightmare. When I think of how some people behave with no excuse at all and yet get away with it, while I have to listen to her - it doesn't seem that fair, that's all.

More work - what is the world coming to?

2005-12-13T17:42:00.000Z

Well today went better than expected after yesterdays amusing almost-collapse. This was achieved mainly by having tea-breaks constantly and insisting on not doing anything at all. I did venture into Poundland where I purchased 10m of reasonably patterned wrapping paper for a £1! A £1! I would point out that this was wrapping paper for Santa and is in no way going to be appearing on my own gorgeously (ahem) wrapped gifts.
Yes, every year at work for some reason we feel its a good idea to let in lots of people for FREE! We give away mulled wine (we say it is wine but actually its mostly fruit tea AND you only get about an inch of it) and mince pies and some poor idiot has to dress up as Santa so the ickle children of the town can have their presents. Aw. Last year I was an elf. I won't be doing that again.
I pity the real Santa. We only have to buy and wrap about 700 presents. God help him (hmm, maybe he does - Santa is a saint is he not?). Today was mostly about finding unwrapped presents and swearing. We managed to mysteriously lose the oh-so-cheap wrapping paper just as we found a large stack of un-wrapped books. Gah. So I went home.

Work - boo.

2005-12-12T19:58:00.000Z

Dear Lord I need to do better spelling-wise. Let's hope no pedants drop in. Anyway... So - I went back to work today. For four hours. It was incredibly tiring. That was a bit of a shock. Gah. Felt like walking corpse (or rather incredibly slow-moving shuffling corpse). Slightly better now - and what do I do with the first of my energy? No it wasn't going on here it was trying on outfits for the worrying amount of christmas parties, many of which I fear I shall have to cancel. Gah.
Oh, found spell check. Shall do better from now on. Honest. Now I'm off to eat pies and watch Green Wing, as TV has once again let me down by not providing any pretentious documentaries which I can later bore people with.

A marriage proposal!

2005-12-09T16:04:00.000Z

Well this blog as totally failed in its staus as moaning central. Seems like I'm not so good at it - perhaps I've failed to resist moaning in real life . Anyway, it seems a shame to leave this blog all alone when I have pointless and unfunny things to witter about, so here it is. A lovely marriage proposal from a man off myspace.com. I'm sure he was interested in me and not in british citizenship. Ahem. He failed to show me a picture of himself so I decided against it.

THIS IS JAMES CARLOS,AN AFRICAN.IN KUALA LUMPUR MALAYSIA..I SAW YOUR PROFILE AND I LIKE YOU,SO I DECIDED TO WRITE TO KNOW IF WE COULD BE INTO A SERIOUS LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP,WHICH MIGHT LEAD US TO A LIFE IN MARRIAGE.MY CONTACT PHONE NUMBER IS +60166252871 AND MY EMAIL IS DONCARLOS_4U@YAHOO.COM .PLEASE I WILL BE GLAD TO HEAR FROM YOU SO SOON,FEEL FREE TO WRITE OR CALL ME,WE CAN MAKE THE BEST OF FRIENDS.TAKE CARE OF YOUR SELF..I AM INTO A SMALL SCALE IMPORT /EXPORT OF AUTO SPARE PARTS.PLEASE I WOULD LIKE TO GET YOUR EMAIL AND PHONE CONTACT AND ALSO IF WE MEET SOON ,ITS GONNA BE FINE. THANKS, JAMES CARLOS..

Oddly I feel no shame in exposing him to ridicule by posting up his contact details for all to see.

Ah, the visit to the doctor.

2005-11-08T19:54:00.000Z

Today I overslept wildly, then when to the doctor. I may be in love my doctor. He was lovely! Well, not actually as he's a fair bit older than me and has a beard. But all in all he's very lovely, clearly believing that my illness is serious and that I should take plenty of time to recover (which is more than I normally think), that I should go back to work slowly. That was really nice. Proper suggestions, and helpful advice as to further progress! Result! Shove that, other-doctor-who-seemed-to-think-it-was-SAD-even-though-he'd-previously-treated-me-for-M.E. Boo sucks, other doctor.
Other news - hmm. It's difficult to think of interesting stuff to say when I've been mainly asleep. Well, I did go shopping on saturday and found many expensive shiny things which I didn't buy. I should get some kind of medal. Also started christmas shopping, as I do every year really early in the vain belief that if I buy for one person months early, I won't have anything to do the day before christmas. Oddly this never works. I will now spend the rest of the time before the week leading up to christmas thinking I really must buy all the other stuff but not getting around to it. Hence also every year, one person has a beautifully wrapped gift and everyone else's looks like theirs has been wrapped by a pyschotic two year-old.

Weekend - excellent for sleep - woke up early every day and stayed awake each day - go me. Same on monday - sadly tuesday I fondly imagined I'd wake up earlish and actually woke up at 11.30. And I only woke up then due to the alarm I'd set on the vague off-chance I might oversleep. Gah! Still being really careful with what I eat though, which is I think definately helping.

I declare this Blog open!

2005-11-04T15:13:00.000Z

And lo, the first pronoucement shall be -
Hmm. There is that. You think, well, everyone else has got a blog and it is considered normal to do what other peoople do, so you make a blog. Then, oh the horror, you have to write something in it. Well, if you happen to be looking for interesting things, I can't possibly comment. I shall be using this to moan a lot about everything I can think of. It is my cunning plan that I shall moan and whine greatly on here and thus be able to prevent myself from doing the same in the real world. So, the first pronouncement (are you taking bets on how long it will be before I mis-spell that? Because I am) shall be -

I have M.E* and it is entirely rubbish. It's possible that this statement will be a large theme of this blog.

At the end of each post (if I remember) I shall be entering boring data such as how much I slept, what I did the day before etc etc. This is of no interest to anyone but myself and possibly a couple of doctors but I'll forget to write it down anywhere else so it goes here. I may start colouring this part differently so people can avoid it if they read. I may not. Who knows.
Second pronouncement -
I'm feeling paranoid (refer to first pronouncement). Will I manage to keep my job? Will I keep my so far understanding boyfriend? Will I be able to function the way everyone else seems to? The answer seems to mainly be gah. Also huh. I don't know.

So, last night I slept for only 9 and a half hours! I was really proud! Day before I slept for 11 and a half hours. I felt better today than yesterday, more alert. Could be due to having increased my tablets, which I did on the 31st october. I've also been quite strict with my diet since Monday, not having anything processed and very little sugar of any type. I've also started to do very low grade excercise which should theoretically help too. I've been off sick since um.. tuesday of last week. This is not really a good thing, as I've been sleeping and not having fun like you're meant to when you're off sick. Gah.

*That would be Chronic fatigue syndrome for those doctors who've failed to realise that they changed the words the letters M and E stand for.